Off with their Ed’s.

There were five in the bed and the little one said roll over, roll over. And they all rolled over and Chuka fell out.

Which is not, it must be said, any indication of Mr Ummuna’s involvement in any sort of five-in-a-bed-ism.

Nor does it indicate avant-garde behaviour on the part of the four who remain.

It is merely that a nursery rhyme sums up Labour’s search for the replacement of the man who brought his own gravestone to his funeral.

Having spent five years proving they were right to have doubts about one Ed they have set aside four months to get a new one – not called Ed.

This time however extra care is apparently to be taken to make sure they don’t end up with the weird – and then there’s the policies.

Leading the non-weird-so-far list is the suspiciously dark-haired Andy Burnham.

Andy’s campaign started a little bit earlier than the vacancy – some say 5 years – and was up and running before Ed got his bucket and spade out in Ibitha.

The last time the leader was selected, the short list were all Oxbridge educated. All had moved smoothly from university to parliament without being tainted with the charge of ‘proper’ work.
As headless chickens run around trying to decide what happens next we have a new list.

Yes folks, they all went to Oxbridge and all qualify under the ‘no proper job’ rule. Keir Starmer (how he must regret that knighthood) speaks the unspeakable. After just two weeks as a Labour MP he’s spotted the party’s problems might be more fundamental.

But they had better be sorted in the next three months – let’s remember the holidays – because then we’ll have a new Ed.
And then we can start all over again

Peter McHugh Written by:

Political satirist, media commentator, renowned journalist, Peter McHugh uses his extensive and award-winning (RTS Journalism Lifetime Achievement Award) experience as an acclaimed and applauded journalist to comment and observe on the latest current events. Satirical posts on Prime Minister Questions every week as well as other key events.