Arse, as in farce.

Did you know that the Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, the present First Lord of the Treasury, is actually called Terry?

Not Theresa as in Theresa May but Terry as in Venables or Thomas or indeed Major-Ball.

This information is important because today Terry May claimed leadership of the working class, once property of the Labour Party.

Until yesterday she was, of course, official leader of the hooray-Henrys -and Henrietta’s – and the other odds and sods who make up the Tory party.

But with Labour permanently on internal war manoeuvres she decided to make grab for their ground.

Obviously Theresa did not have the right ring about it, for why else would The Times slip out the ’Terry’ revelation only hours before her speech to the party conference.

As it was, the leader’s speech was brilliant; it had them cheering, laughing and finally on their feet applauding – except it was the wrong leader.

Somebody had booked Ruth Davison, leader of the Scottish tories, as the warm-up act; she pulled the house down.

So when Terry finally slipped on stage, the audience, after four days in the firing line, looked shell shocked.

Some suggest Prime Minister May makes odd shapes with her mouth because she is actually a geordie trying to speak posh.

Others believe her bottom set may be too big for some of the new words like ‘ workers’ and ‘fairness’ she is trying to get out.

Whatever the reason it wasn’t the easiest ramble through the following 60 minutes.

The delegates applauded on cue – which at tory conferences is every time the leader takes a breath.

But as she rattled through suggestions of cracking down on tax cheats and dodgy companies you could see enthusiasm wane.

When she mentioned workers on the board panic began to show and she had to slip them a Brexit before they calmed down.

Mind you they were more than calm when someone called Dave was mentioned for past works.

He got a second’s worth of applause for every year and a further five secs for his mate George.

As the Tory Party conference is totally irrelevant MP’s try to avoid it but cabinet ministers have to earn their bonuses.

Down in the crowd the almost-new team were practising loyalty grins.

Boris had to keep getting refreshers from his colleagues.

For the Cabinet ‘Sir’ seems the easiest option to Theresa.

Meanwhile, Jeremy Hunt – still at Health – got another name-check, surely proving he has photographs on everyone.

Terry rambled on about class as in ass but Theresa rhymed it with arse as in farce.

Everyone got off theirs for a standing ovation.

Terry’s bloke Phil arrived to take her home.


“Bottom” flickr photo by eltpics shared under a Creative Commons (BY-NC) license

Peter McHugh Written by:

Political satirist, media commentator, renowned journalist, Peter McHugh uses his extensive and award-winning (RTS Journalism Lifetime Achievement Award) experience as an acclaimed and applauded journalist to comment and observe on the latest current events. Satirical posts on Prime Minister Questions every week as well as other key events.